You can tell if someone is a douche in 10 seconds


I CAN tell within 10 seconds of introduction if someone is a douche.  Share this knowledge! I hear you ask. Nay. I hear you demand it.

If someone asks “what do you do for a job?” then they are a douche. “What?” you say. “That’s unfair. They might just be making polite conversation!”

Hear me out. This someone should find a better way of making conversation. They either make you feel crap because you’re trying to justify what you do as productive. OR, they make you brag.

“I’m a Monkey King” is definitely bragging. Though some people I chat to on the street, or on Facebook, or on Blendr (dating hook-up site) seem to be impressed with my title. Most don’t.

“Oh, so you’re really just unemployed then,” they’ll say. With a big fat smirk on their face and if smirks could be translated (and they can be because I’m about to do it now) it would say “Ha ha, I’m better than you in this game of life”.

The question “what do you do” is everything because it tells the person who asks if you are important, if you’re busy, and how much you get paid.

Fake drunk ChrisBut in Bali – there is another question that might make you a douche. “What does your father do?” is a question that comes up a lot from the taxi-drivers. Well, my dad is an executive of an Australian packaged food company – like many others on that side of my family. But he sort of does that part time.

“He plays golf sometimes but he isn’t good at it,” I’ll tell the taxi-drivers, and they’ll chuckle. But although they laugh I sense a boiling frustration expressed from the hisses out of their noses. I’m a stranger until they know for sure what my father is – and because I’m a white westerner my status is high until proven otherwise.

To judge me on what my father was born into, or of what my pay grade is, frustrates me, and the worst thing is nobody else I know seems to understand this.

This is why I am Monkey King. This is why I am the Peter Pan of Ubud. Because my TITLE is not who I am. It’s not who you are.

If you don’t understand this now, you will have a hard time when you get fired, when you quit your job, when you retire and have to reflect among your disgruntled family – who also likely believe as you do.

< – - – - (sometimes being Monkey King looks a lot like getting drunk and shouting abuse)

Categories: Philosophy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “You can tell if someone is a douche in 10 seconds

  1. there’s a bit of a work theme going on in my world today; i agree it shouldn’t be about titles or pay grades. there is often the wrong emphasis put on certain characteristics. it’s a shame.

  2. Interesting departure from the usual, Your Monkeyness.

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