Pray for Mojo: top 10 coolest monkeys (part 1)


We all like Best Of Lists. We all like (or hate) monkeys. So why not a Best of Monkeys (top 10)? Classic.

I will give a monkeys paw (that grants wishes) to have the following monkeys in my Ubud kingdom. For variety, I have avoided listing different monkeys from the same creative universe.

There are no gorillas on the list. Gorillas deserve their own list. Don’t expect King Kong, Mighty Joe Young, Mojo Jojo or that awesome gorilla that took down a helicopter in Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Because it’s not going to happen.

Let’s begin.

10) Jolly Chimp cymbal monkey (Toy Story 3)

Quote: secret informant [to Woody]: Your real problem’s the monkey. The monkey’s the eye in the sky. He sees everything…classrooms, hallways, even the playground. You can unlock doors, sneak past guards, climb the wall, but if you don’t take out that monkey, you ain’t going nowhere. You want to get out of here? GET RID OF THAT MONKEY!

Jolly Chimp

When Andy’s toys get donated to the Sunnyside Daycare, they think it’s going to be a sweet life. But the kids are monsters and the toys are ill-treated and abused. They cannot escape because the toys in charge (led by a pink teddy bear tyrant by the name of Lotso) aren’t going to let them.

So the toys have to break out of the kindergarten to get back to Andy.

Unfortunately, the kindergarten is surrounded by an eight foot wall to keep toys and children in, and perverts out. Watching everything with security cameras, always watching, is a monkey that clangs his symbols any time something goes wrong, which echoes through the sound system and alerts the toy guards.

Why he’s in the top 10? Because this is one vigilant monkey. Nothing gets by him.

And he’s the minion of a pink teddy bear. That also counts for something.

9)  Caesar (Planet of the Apes)

Quote: No!

Caesar

The quote sounds lame, but you could have heard a popcorn drop in the cinemas when Caesar bellows out against his human enemy, Draco Malfoy. The transformation from cute smart monkey with a human master to angry, warlike (yet not vengeful) simian with a human friend who respects him is what makes you side towards the monkeys instead of the controlling, arrogant humans.

Caesar is the monkey that has to make you believe a rise of the apes is possible, and yes, he almost can.

8) Madagascar monkeys (Madagascar movies)

Quote: Monkey: If you’ve got any poo, throw it now.

madagascar monkeys

You do laugh at these monkeys, but mainly because their humour is droll and dry. They are gentlemen monkeys, and a novelty in the first Madagascar, thankfully, usually only commenting from time to time about poo.

It’s not for the fact they rebuild a crashed plane that actually works after arguing for maternity leave from their penguin employers that’s put them on this list. It’s because they break out of the zoo just to throw poo at Tom Wolfe speaking at the Lincoln Centre

7)  Diddy Kong (Nintendo)

Quote: Cranky Kong: Team up? I’ve never heard such rubbish in my life! When I played, I was on my own. I had no fancy backup!

Diddy Kong

Unfortunately it has been a long time since I played Donkey Kong Country and I have never really played any later game with Diddy in them. The exception is Super Smash Brothers Brawl. What I do know is he has a popular enough fan base to be more than just a sidekick to Donkey.

He knows karate, can shoot a peanut gun and uses a jet pack made from barrels! (Donkey Kong equivalent to cannons. Basically, Diddy has cannon jetpacks!). He can also hold his own in Super Smash. He almost has Donkey Kong’s strength but add the agility and the peanut gun, and you’ve got one tough monkey that just refuses to die against Charizards, Dr Mario or the dreaded Princess Peach.

6) Mojo the helper monkey (The Simpsons):

Quote: Pray for Mojo

Mojo the helper monkey

When Homer learns wheelchair bound Apu (owner of the Kwikemart) gets a helper monkey to work at the cash register, he thinks of the best way to get out of doing chores around the house. He buys Mojo the monkey.

When a frantic Marge discovers there’s a monkey in the house, Homer says “relax. He can do anything you show him!” So he teaches Mojo how to use the telephone.

BUT how does Mojo beat Mr Teeny? (Krusty’s stage monkey?) when Mr Teeny can rollerskate and chomp cigars? Well, Mojo wears a nappy so he doesn’t need to be toilet trained. He can make orange juice. He drinks Duff Beer. And he can do a happy dance! Even when he’s not happy!

But the best part is when Homer gets him to steal donuts from a donut shop. Instead of giving his master the tasty rewards, Mojo climbs up a power pole and helps himself to the tasty treats while Homer shouts “you’re a helper monkey! This isn’t helping!”

You can read part two of top 10 coolest monkeys here! Feel free to comment on who your favourite monkey is. Do you disagree or agree with numbers 10 to six? Tell us!

 

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Categories: Humor, List | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

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5 thoughts on “Pray for Mojo: top 10 coolest monkeys (part 1)

  1. well number 10 definitely belongs on this list; i don’t know the rest to really speak on them but i’ll trust your judgement 🙂 very funny for sure

  2. Your monkey business continues to astound and entertain, Chris.

  3. Pingback: Reading Digest: Theme Park Edition | Dead Homer Society

  4. Pingback: Top 10 coolest monkeys (part 2) | Hail to the Monkey King

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