THERE are only six species known to party hard.
Rafiki’s amazing party was on fire last night! It proves monkeys definitely deserve to be at number one on the list. Other species known to party hard include intoxicated humans, lemurs, and cats. Man, if I had $100 for every photo taken of a drunk cat at a party.
Those who are cynical or too damn clever for their own good must be thinking, “you said six species! You’ve only included four”.
Yeah, well the fifth species are aliens. Aliens a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away knew how to
PARTAY party. Here’s a photo I ripped to prove it.
The sixth species are Ewoks. I know you’re all thinking that Ewoks are aliens. But everyone knows that Ewoks are actually cute little teddy bears that like to eat people.
Rafiki’s party was a costume party. We had to come dressed as our favourite animal. So because I am terrible with any sort of commitment or decision, I asked you to tell me what animal onesie I should wear to the party.
You can check the poll here.
With an overwhelming 33 per cent of the votes, it was clear you wanted me to dress up as a kangaroo and stash a ridiculous amount of vodka, drug paraphernalia and those mini drinking umbrellas in my pouch.
But then I thought…I can’t do that. There will be monkey children at this party. The children will climb into the pouch and I will be expected to babysit them. Didn’t anyone think of the monkey children?
Honestly, I didn’t until this morning. The kangaroo onesie arrived from Hong Kong the day of the party, but for some reason it smelt of turpentine. The combination of turpentine soaked pyjamas, alcohol and fire twirling is a dangerous mix. I know this because last week we soaked a monkey with turpentine and…
Just kidding. Ha ha ha ha ha. See?
Fortunately I had a monkey onesie stashed away in case of a fashion emergency. I rocked up to the party and monkey butlers asked for my coat. I said I did not have one. As I climbed up to the look-out at the top of the tree where the party was, I realised that all the monkeys (apart from the butlers, who wore Armani suits) were naked.
They claimed they were their favourite animals, but you could tell by the smirks on their faces that they were just too lazy to dress up. Lazy
I sulked at the edge of the look-out for a while until Mojo got me to try out the fire twirling.
“You’re a pro, Monkey King!” Mojo winked at his drunk mates, giving me the sticks and stepping well out of the way. The monkeys sniggered as I spun the flames into the air and…
And…the tree burnt down. The fire was fuelled by the look-out’s alcohol soaked floor. We all screamed and jumped onto the other trees, and although I should have feared for my life as a pillar of fire erupted 20 metres above the canopy, all I could think was…
This would make a great story for my blog.