12 opening lines that monkeys will plagiarize from great books

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single monkey with a banana, surrounded by a group of those without one, is going to get molested.

Moby Dick: Call me a monkey’s uncle.

Harry Potter: Mr and Mrs Wayan, of number four, Jalan Raya Ubud, were proud to say they charged the normal taxi rates, Terima Kasih! They were the last people you’d expect to rip off white tourists, because they just didn’t hold to such nonsense.

Sourced from footage.shutterstock.com

Sourced from footage.shutterstock.com

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn:  You don’t know about me until you have read a blog by the name of “Hail to the Monkey King”; but it doesn’t matter if you skip over it. The blog was written by the Monkey King, and he mostly told the truth about exploiting a pack of ravenous monkeys.

1984: It was a humid hot day, even in Singapore, and all 13 monkeys were bashing each other.

The Hobbit: Up a tree there lived an orangutan. Now we’re not talking about the dirty, nasty sort of tree you’d cut down to make furniture from. We’re talking about the sort of tree an orangutan lives in, and that means comfort.

Singapore Zoo

The Great Gatsby: In my younger and more vulnerable years living by the Ubud Monkey Forest fountain, one of my possible fathers gave me some advice I forgot about after he got caught by a zookeeper.

“Whenever you feel like stealing wallets and cameras and passports from seemingly innocent tourists,” he told me, “just remember that one of them might just know some extreme violent martial art you don’t know, such as kickboxing.”

The Old Man and the Sea:  He was an old Capuchin who sometimes meditated alone on the top of an old fig tree, and he had gone eighty-four days now without biting a tourist.

The Holy Bible: In the beginning God created monkeys. Oh, and he created heaven and earth as well. But that’s not important. You just want to hear about the monkeys.

And the earth was pretty boring without monkeys. So the Spirit of God realised something needed to be done about that. And God said, Let there be monkeys! And taadaah! Now there’s monkeys. God’s gift to you.

I bet you’ve never heard this translation before, because the Bible was written by men (regardless of who inspired them).

creation of monkeys

Sourced from izquotes.com

The Hunger Games: When I wake up, the branch I’m on is bloody freezing. My paw stretches out, seeking the monkey hooker’s warmth, but then I remember I only paid her four coconuts, which means she probably returned to Kuta sometime during the night.

Game of Thrones: The morning had dawned thick and hot, with a humidity that suggested that a storm would break in the afternoon.

The monkeys set forth in their mopeds to drive to the Safari Park, twenty in all, and Jon the albino monkey weaved among them, puffing his cigarette and instead of the rush of nicotine, only feeling excitement.

Twilight: I’d never given much thought as to how I would die – being a 50 foot gorilla living on an undiscovered island suggests a confidence in my immortality. But even if I had, I would never have imagined it like this.

The rat-tat-tat of bullets forces me to close my eyes, and I fumble at the edge of a 1250 feet drop. My beloved screams. It’s a high pitched squeal that somehow transcends the shooting, and I must save her.

Sourced from beladraculalugosi.wordpress.com

Sourced from beladraculalugosi.wordpress.com

Try your own and post the comment! It’s fun! Some might be quoted in a later post.

Categories: List, literature | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “12 opening lines that monkeys will plagiarize from great books

  1. Just. Awesome.

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