There is a certain blog that has inspired me. Thoughts Appear has a list of achievements she wishes to fulfil before a certain age. She has completed a list of 30 things before she turned 30. And now she is aiming to achieve “35 before 35”.
So the Monkey King has written his own list. If I complete them I believe this means I have had a fulfilling life. I call it:
MONKEY KING’S 24 BEFORE HE HITS 24
(I thought about 25 before 25, but 24 is better because it’s one less thing I have to do).
1) Be game enough to eat a packet of cheese flavoured Tim-Tams.
Cheese! Biscuits! Actually, when you put it that way, it doesn’t seem outrageous.
2) Be an ambassador for world peace. By that – I mean I wish to unite all the monkey tribes of the world and create a massive army.
3) Learn how to use a samurai sword and take down the Crazy 88 (Kill Bill reference anyone?).
4) In fact, write a script for Kill Bill 3 (can’t be done, you say? Well, add in a time travelling Delorian and you’d be wrong, my friend).
5) Learn to speak monkey. It’s not easy, cause you’ve got to get the pointing and growling just right. You could mean to say “that’s a nice flower garden” when actually you’ve said, “I want to crap all over your daffodils. Is that okay?”
6) Party with the Bundy Rum polar bear.
7) Own a backpackers.
8) Run a vegetarian burger franchise. OR a Starbucks.
9) Start up bungee jumping in Ubud Forest to attract tourists. While we’re at it – build a theme park in Monkey Forest.
10) Write a book based off my blog “Hail to the Monkey King”.
11) Regularly go to Alcoholic Monkeys Anonymous. I’m not a monkey, I’m no longer anonymous, and I’m certainly not an alcoholic – but Mojo says I am in denial.
12) Control an island. Maybe Bali. Maybe Singapore. Maybe Tasmania.
13) Finish Zombie U without dying once.
14) Start up a monkey football team.
15) Better yet, create super monkey soldiers. Rip off the armour ideas off Halo games.
16) Even better, create super monkey soldiers and make them play football. They get to use paintball guns. They can even freeze the paintballs before they play.
17) Cash in on the zombie craze and make a movie about zombie monkeys.
18) Get a few cows so I have fresh milk every day.
19) Find a way to grow a monkey tail.
Buy a toothbrush (achieved here!)
Capture a drop bear. (achieved here)
22) Grow a sweet moustache.
23) Have guard towers lining the fences. And put working cannons on the tree top walk.
24) Host a party in Monkey Forest Road. There will be music, chilli fries and Bintang for everyone. And the Bundy Rum polar bear will be there.
I’ve regretted making this 24 things to do before I’m 24. I only have until late November. Crap.