I WAS lying by the fountain yesterday with my pants off, scaring the tourists as usual, when some pretty lady smelling of frangipani perfume entered the forest. She brushed past Mojo juggling baby tourists, not even acknowledging the trick with a lip glossed smile and a “oh that’s so cute”. She eyed me down and strode up to me in her high heels.
Her name is Gina. The local 21-year-old TV news anchorwoman. She knows how to present herself. It’s her profession. You can believe anything she says because you want to. It’s amazing how her eyes can be so wide (innocent?), the pupils so brown, the whites so perfect and unmarked by wax or the bloodshot of red. How she gets her hair tidy, curly (prim?) in the humidity of Bali weather beats me.
I can describe her even more, but I think this song best sums the dynamics between us both.
After she asked “can you put your clothes on!” she moved on to asking if the monkeys would be interested in being part of a TV show. Gina’s bosses must have heard about the ministry work I’ve done as Monkey King in Ubud. Now they want to exploit it.
I said “what sort of TV show? Will I be getting a cheque?”
She said the show would be called “Big Monkey.” The premise is that 15 monkeys will live in a tree with their monkey king (that could be me! I’m a monkey king!) and it would be filmed. To keep it interesting we’ll play war games on the tree branches, mostly using pointy objects and paintball guns. We’d also have casino nights where we gamble away our week’s rations.
BIG MONKEY IS WATCHING YOU!!!
As the Big Monkey, I get to nominate the monkeys who annoy me the most each week, and viewers from around the world get to vote out their least favourite.
The one voted out has 10 seconds to leave the tree, or I get to kick them off of it. Sure, it’s a familiar concept, which means it will probably work.
Updates on the monkey-mates – and on my progress scoring with Gina – will be released soon.