I’m in Lamington National Park, preparing to go on a bear hunt.
Queue relevant music to set the mood.
Lamington National Park is a mystical place. It is unexplored territory of rugged mountain scenery, waterfalls and thick impenetrable rainforest. It is remote because the road up Mount Lamington is difficult and windy.
Most people never leave the trails. Some are foolish to do so. Most of these people are those who have been attacked by drop bears.
I am here to capture a drop bear. I have spent the last few days gathering materials needed to capture a bear, and have decided where I need to go. What I intend to do is walk the trail until I come to a creek, and then I will follow it.
I am at the O’Reilly’s camping ground now, going through my stock. I have:
X1 sleeping bag
X1 protective helmet with sharp pieces of metal and glass stuck on the top.
X1 monkey onesie (maybe I can reason with a drop bear if it thinks I’m an animal)
X2 recording devices
X2 cameras (if we count my mobile phone).
X3 packets of two minute noodles
X4 two litre bottles of water
X6 horse tranquilisers
x2 steel cages
x1 banana boat sunscreen
X1 dart gun
X1 backpack bought from Army disposal place
x1 bird whistle
X3 homemade nets (mostly made from hammocks, plastic bags, and hay bale twine)
I’m as prepared as I’m ever going to be. It is time to enter the forest, now. There is no reception in there, and so you will not hear from me until I come back with a drop bear.