Bear hunt in Lamington National Park


I’m in Lamington National Park, preparing to go on a bear hunt.

Queue relevant music to set the mood. 

Lamington National Park is a mystical place. It is unexplored territory of rugged mountain scenery, waterfalls and thick impenetrable rainforest. It is remote because the road up Mount Lamington is difficult and windy.

Most people never leave the trails. Some are foolish to do so. Most of these people are those who have been attacked by drop bears.

Map of part of the national park. The dots you see are locations of reported attacks.

Map of part of the national park. The dots you see are locations of reported attacks.

I am here to capture a drop bear. I have spent the last few days gathering materials needed to capture a bear, and have decided where I need to go. What I intend to do is walk the trail until I come to a creek, and then I will follow it.

I am at the O’Reilly’s camping ground now, going through my stock. I have:

X3 underwear

X1 sleeping bag

X1 protective helmet with sharp pieces of metal and glass stuck on the top.

X1 monkey onesie (maybe I can reason with a drop bear if it thinks I’m an animal)

X2 recording devices

X2 cameras (if we count my mobile phone).

X2 mandarins

X3 packets of two minute noodles

X4 two litre bottles of water

X6 horse tranquilisers

x2 steel cages

x1 banana boat sunscreen

X1 dart gun

X1 backpack bought from Army disposal place

X1 map

X1 compass

x1 bird whistle

X3 homemade nets (mostly made from hammocks, plastic bags, and hay bale twine)

X1 towel

I’m as prepared as I’m ever going to be. It is time to enter the forest, now. There is no reception in there, and so you will not hear from me until I come back with a drop bear.

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Categories: Australia, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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3 thoughts on “Bear hunt in Lamington National Park

  1. Probably better to write “winding” than “windy”.

  2. Best of luck catching the drop bear! Be safe 🙂 Can’t wait to hear of the adventure. Oh and love that song. It totally hits the mark.

    • I’m sorry. Monkey King is out of the office right now. He is probably in a dark forest somewhere, crying while trying to make a fire from newspaper and kerosene. However, he will strive to reply to your comment if he survives.

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