TIMMY: the savage/ convict
First appearance: Big Brother rip-off: Monkey Mates introduced (September 18, 2013). Timmy is forced to be a contestant in the TV show Big Monkey if he is to win his freedom recently taken from him.
NOTE FROM THE MONKEY KING: It was hard to get this interview. Whenever anybody approached Timmy’s tree, he would throw knives and rocks and leaves down at them. When someone shouted that Timmy was going to be in an interview, he flipped the bird and then mooned us.
But the next morning, waiting at the bottom of my tree, was a roll of bark neatly tied with ribbon, with answers to questions I did not have the chance to ask. At the bottom of the bark – signed in blood – was Timmy’s signature, as well as approval to post his answers online.
Birthplace: The volcano of Gunung Abang, in Bali. When my mentor was alive, we trained our strength by punching rocks, sharpened our speed by mugging tourists, and meditated in waterfalls. Mentor died because he couldn’t swim.
Arch-enemies: Everyone! If you want me dead, wait in line and I’ll get round to stabbing you.
If you could go out on a date with one celebrity, who would it be?: If dead celebrities count, I’d probably want (to) hang out with Genghis Khan. And we’d get drunk and tempers will probably flare and I’ll challenge him to a fight to the death.
But if Genghis Khan doesn’t count, then I’d want to go on a date with Bruce Lee. Oh wait, he’s dead.
Gee, I don’t know then. Let’s say, Margaret Cho.
What would you do on this date?: I think I made it pretty clear in the previous answer.
My opinion of King Chewbacca the Monkey King: Oh, he’s lovely. Shame that on the day I met him I swore an oath to kill him. But I guess I’ll take my time on that, because he is a nice man. One of the good ones.
View on monarchy: I’ll scratch their (the royals) back if they scratch mine.
Favourite blog: So far, none I’ve read are violent enough. Find me some Game of Thrones fan fiction, and I’m so there.
Thank you, and goodnight.
p.s You have approval to use this in your blog