20 gift ideas for a monkey king (or for any dude who is awesome!)

I HAVE written a list of 20 things you could get a monkey king for his birthday. This list will be useful if you know a monkey king and it’s his birthday soon, and you don’t know what to get him. However, it is Christmas soon and I believe this list can be applicable for childlike men who love their freedom.

Coincidentally, it’s my birthday next week. But this is irrelevant.

Anyway, you could start by getting:

– A real live Pokemon. But if you can’t catch one, then  I will settle for an exotic animal disguised as a Pokemon. EXCEPT: don’t get me a goldfish and say it’s a Magikarp. DON’T. YOU. BLOODY. DARE.

– A date with Taylor Swift (if you are in a position to make arrangements, reassure her that I wouldn’t be sleazy or nothing. I’m happy with a coffee and a chat about what inspires us to write)

– Jetpack!!!!


This man has it all. Taken from http://www.giantbomb.com

– What every guy wants. A hover board. Even if its pink

–  A mailbox (well, I do need one)

– A replica of the Mcleod sword (Highlander)

– Sonic screwdriver

– Time machine (yeah, I know, there’s just as much chance as dating Swift)

-An army of ninjas OR a troupe of Scottish soldiers

– A pet gorilla

-Electric collar for Bitey our white tiger

– A mini-me of me

– My dream car. A 1992 Diahatsu Charade.

Diahatsu Charade

Taken from commons.wikimedia.org

– A chance to hang out with Green Day, but I would settle for Weird Al

– Packet of jellybeans


– The Bill Hicks biography

– World peace (I know, what a wanky thing to put on the list, but seriously if you were in the position to achieve this, you should totally do it. I wouldn’t even expect you to get anything else, as long as I get some sort of dedication for this achievement)

– A Monopoly board accompanied with promises of immunity (no fingers crossed you cheats!) if I land on your hotels

– Free hugs

Free hugs

Categories: Humor, List, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

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6 thoughts on “20 gift ideas for a monkey king (or for any dude who is awesome!)

  1. Ha ha – 1992 Daihatsu Charade. Also, Swift is mine, Monkey Man.

    • Let’s see if you are worthy, by the answer to this question:
      We’re both in a bar, catching up. We’ve just sat down with our beer, but we hadn’t had more than a mouthful each. Taylor Swift walks into the bar with another beautiful woman. Though just as beautiful, we don’t recognise her. Nobody else in the bar seems to recognise Swift, which means if ever you’re going to hit on her, now is your chance. They get some beer. Sit down at the table next to us. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO?

  2. You’re better off if you don’t date Swift… you’ll end up in some song badmouthing you. I would hate to see that happen to you. I would be more apt to help you hang out with Green Day as long as I can come along… assuming I could make such an arrangement. Personally, I would totally get you a replica of the MacLeod sword if I could. That’s a cool request. 🙂 As for the jetpack… that would be awesome also… I can see you doing the whole “Rocketeer” bit. Sadly, I don’t think I can do any of that, but maybe I can come up with something else… we shall see. 🙂

    • I wouldn’t mind being badmouthed. Think about how awesome it would be if Taylor Swift made a song about how she dated a monkey king.
      There are replicas of the MacLeod sword out there, but it’s pricey, so I won’t hold you to it.
      These are great gift ideas for anyone.

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