WHILE Dad visits the fancy resort’s golf course, the monkeys I smuggled into the boot of our driver’s car chill out by the pool with me. We have interesting conversations over Bintang, like about Nelson Mandela, and what Christmas is about.
Since the monkeys have not celebrated Christmas before, and considering they live on an island of Hindus, their perspectives are interesting…and laughable. It’s like asking children where they think babies come from.
Here are six views about what Christmas is about. They cover religion, materialism, music, and family:
MOJO:Everyone knows that Christmas is a religious ceremony. Shrines dedicated to Santa are installed in the shopping temples. Ceremonies involve proud parents bringing their children to Santa’s altar, where he then judges to see if they have been naughty and nice. He determines this by testing the children with this question; “and what would you like for Christmas?”
It is usually customary for Santa to return the children. Though I believe there have been cases where some children who ask for nuclear weapons or roofies are smuggled into a sack where they are never seen again.
RAFIKI: Christmas is celebrated by Christians. They received gifts like tan lotion and bikinis and strut on beaches in the near nude and practice their infidelity.
(he didn’t exactly say it like that, but I hate Rafiki, and I want everybody else to hate him too)
ABU: Christmas is about presents!
The idea is based off an ancient teaching that it is better to give than it is to receive.
But I don’t think people are practicing to receive well enough. I’ve observed many receipients who get an unexpected present and say “you shouldn’t have!” like the person who gave it to them was improper to think of them. Others groan and look unhappy and say “This DVD has the wrong region code. It’s useless!”
Smile! Cause people love you so much that they feel obliged to give you stuff.
Simeon: Let’s break it down. What’s Christmas about? Um…Jesus?
What’s Jesus about? Um…love?
So that means Christmas is about love, right.
But where is the love? I don’t see it. Cause people are living like they ain’t got no mommas. Only attracted to things that bring the drama.
In conclusion, Christmas is about living through the teachings of the Black Eyed Peas.
JO-JO: Christmas is about having fun with the family.
Get them drunk. Stay back and enjoy the chaos. It’s magical.
CAZZA: Christmas is about…um…singing Christmas carols? My favourite is little drummer boy. Come they told me, rum pum pum, pum.
I like that song because the drummer boy is broke and destitute, and I’m pretty sure he’s a meth addict (read between the lines). And he doesn’t have anything to give baby king Wenceslas, who is prophesised to be the greatest king in history.
But the drummer boy realises that he can worship to his king through his ability to drum to Megadeth. In fact, I believe drummer boy’s real name is Joey Kramer, who played for Aerosmith.