So let me just write a few lines on here so that the “good stuff” isn’t shown on my Twitter and Facebook links. Blah blah blah.
Blah blah blah.
Okay, now I can tell you I sort of lied. This is titled Six Ways to Reject Someone Who Is In Love With You. And while that’s true, I’m talking specifically about a sleazy monkey I call Scar-Face.
Wait! Don’t go. The six ways can apply to humans too! Let me just pop on the music for the atmosphere.
See, I’m the Monkey King. I’m kinda a big deal in the monkey forest. Some monkey ladies are attracted to my glamour or title or charisma or whatever the hell this is.
Damn. Wrong picture. Disregard it.
This was the one I meant to post.
Now where was I? Oh yeah, monkey ladies.
See, the most aggressive monkey who competes for my affections is a monkey I call “Scar-Face.” She has probably been on steroids and resembles a Mr Potato Head. What you assume to be her eye is actually an ear.
Anyway, on Friday morning she arrived at my throne room, delivering 12 roses before she kissed my feet. “Happy Valentines Day, M’ Lord. Will you marry me?” she asked.
“I thought you were already married to Rafiki?” I said.
“You’re thinking of Rhonda. My sister. I still available though. Give answer next week. Rude to keep a lady waiting.”
So anyway, I have to tell Scar Face she’s ugly without hurting her feelings. If I hurt her feelings in any way, she will kick me out the tree, tie me upside down from a power line, and whack me with sticks. Well, that’s what she told me she would do.
So I have six suggestions of how I can tell a crazy monkey lady that I’m just not into her, with an estimated percentage of success.
And that will be on the next post (sorry!).