RAFIKI: evil wizard, head priest




First mention in All Hail the Monkey King: It is mentioned in Animal Onesies to Wear to a Party, that the monkey king needs a costume to attend Rafiki’s onesie party.

Birthplace: Somewhere in Africa. Not entirely sure where. I don’t think I’ll ever know. Because it’s a big place.

Arch-enemies: The Monkey King. I hate him and he should die. (Rafiki has never gotten over the Monkey King accidentally burning down his veranda in that ill fated onesie party.

Religion: Hinduism. I’m the head priest of the temple of Hanuman.

If you could go out on a date with one celebrity, who would it be?: Ooh, Tom Cruise! 

What would you do on this date?: Well, it wouldn’t be a “let’s make out” sort of date. I’ve taken a vow of celibacy, and besides, it’s Tom Cruise. What would he want with an old male monkey like myself? No, we would just go for a cup of coffee made from Balinese coffee beans, and we’ll discuss all his movies in detail, from Endless Love, to Mission Impossible, to Rock of Ages!

Click his name for more on Rafiki.

MOJO: Thief, Monkey King’s footrest, dunce.

Mojo-1First mention in All Hail the Monkey King: In Party Hard or Go Home (July 7 2013). At a onesie party, Mojo persuaded a drunk Monkey King to have a go at fire twirling.

Birthplace: a circus in Thailand.

Hates:  Clowns.  People think they’re funny…until the clowns hide in a drain and rip your arms off.

Religion: You know the one where you don’t give a stuff so that you can let life pass you by, and then when you die you can say to the god who greets you that you had his back the whole time? Akunamatataism.

If you could go out on a date with one celebrity, who would it be?: Lady Gaga.

What would you do on this date?: We would dress in the craziest gear you could think of (think bright colours, parasols, bow ties) and then we’d go to…um…Singapore! And eat sting ray and dumplings in a hawker’s market. But only if that’s what she wanted to do. Then I’d kiss her. And tell her she’s beautiful.

View on monarchy: What’s that? Oh…yeah, the king and queens and princes and crap. Honestly, I don’t get how one royal family gets all the attention in the media. It suggests to me that royalty no longer has anything to do with the power and roles of running a kingdom. Instead, it’s a gene pool that provides a source of celebrities that the media sorely crave as a cheap source of “information” gathering. There. I said it.

Click here for more Mojo.


JO-JO:   Evil Vizier The King’s Paw

The Monkey's Paw: Jo-Jo.

Hates: Backpackers. They are always carrying big packs on their backs. What’s with that?

Likes: Balinese taxi drivers. They do a good job.

Birthplace: Ubud Monkey Forest fountain.

Religion: Buddhist.

Favourite book: Eat, Pray, Love. It totally changed my life.

If you could go out on a date with one celebrity, who would it be?: Bubbles the monkey.

What would you do on this date?:  We would take a moped down to Kuta and visit Waterbom Bali.

View on monarchy: One person should not have the excuse “I’m a king” to get out of doing the dishes.

Further details on Jo-Jo can be found here.

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