Posts Tagged With: animation

Rabies from Scar-face

I’M SICK of being propositioned by suitors. In an effort to get me hitched, Jo-Jo (my Monkey’s Paw) has been encouraging  the many suitors to advance upon me. They would try to get to me at night if I hadn’t thought of fixing the walls and padlocking the doors of a local trader’s back shed in which I am currently residing in.

The most aggressive of them is a woman monkey I call “Scar-face”. She’s a bit suggestive.

"Hey beautiful"

“Hey beautiful”

I’m too scared to talk to her, and it’s not because I care what she thinks. Yesterday, Scar-face told me she had rabies, bit me on the neck, and offered out some sort of syringe which she said I needed to take as soon as possible if I didn’t want to die a most painful death.

“I’ll give it to you,” she tittered. “But you have to put a ring on it first.”

“I think we’re done here,” I said, climbing to the top of a tree and waiting for the first signs of madness. Or whatever symptoms humans get for rabies.

I’m not mad yet! And maybe I can fight the madness away by shrieking at the top of my lungs.

“Hey beautiful”
Categories: Animation, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bitstrip war against my crush

ON Tuesday I nearly fell off a tree branch in surprise. Gina actually added me as a friend on Facebook.

Unfortunately I got a bit carried away in excitement, and I misunderstood this friendship. So I sent her a Bitstrip photo. In my defence, I’d had a few beers, and I checked with Mojo and Abu before I sent it, and they said…”ha ha. It will be fine. She’ll love it!”

Bitstrip with Gina1

No. She didn’t love it.

Now a normal nice girl might delete me off Facebook, or (more likely) totally ignore it and make me realise my terrible mistake with a “OMG!” when I sobered up.

Instead, she retaliate.d. With another Bitstrip photo.

Bitstrip with Gina2

And it escalated from there.  I said to the monkeys, “wow, she is so hot right now! I’m going to send her another message.” And Jo-Jo (the only monkey with some sense) said, “um…no, don’t do that”.

But the others said “YEAH Monkey King. You’re a legend.”

So I declared my love.

Bitstrip with Gina3

Now, once again, a normal chick might ignore the stupidity of a drunk. Or perhaps (less likely) be flattered. But oh no. She retaliated.

Screw You Buddy!

Bitstrip with Gina4

I was like “Wow, I like her a lot, one more!” and Jo-Jo screamed “NO!” and threw the phone away.  So no more  Bitstrip until I find that phone =(

Categories: Animation, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

How to capture a drop bear

DROP BEARS are good singers. I mean, ridiculously good singers. I didn’t sleep a wink last night, resting in my sleeping bag, hearing a variety of Queen songs through the trees that could well have belonged in their Greatest Hits album.

At first I didn’t know it was the drop bears. I mean, I thought it might be ghosts singing. Or Snugglepot and Cuddlepie (never heard of them? That’s little Australians’ folklore thank you, look em up). Or maybe the mushrooms I ate a few days ago down by the creek were giving me magical powers, making me hear amazing sounds that really didn’t exist.

Magic school bus

At three in the morning – to the tune of Under Pressure – something rustled in the tree above me.  Whatever it was, it was heavy. Paranoid and starving  (my last mandarin ran out days ago), I stuffed my sleeping bag with the clothes I had been wearing, and slithered through some rocks, and waiting with my dart gun.

“Aha!” something roared twenty minutes later. A big furry thing jumped on the sleeping bag where my head would have been, and savagely mauled the canvas. I waited, and shot a dart at it.

I got it in the eye. I know this because it screamed, “Argh, argh! My eye!” before it fell asleep on my sleeping bag. I got rid of my cages at some point in my trek (too heavy) but fortunately I still had some nets in my bag, so I pulled one out and tied the drop bear into the net.

Meanwhile, the voices in the trees went silent, as if sensing that one of their own had been captured. I tied the net to a branch and left the drop bear hanging. Then I stood guard in the rocks, waiting to see if maybe another would come and rescue it.

This morning – when the light settled through the trees – I checked out the sleeping beast. It was about four metres in length. It was as grey as a koala, but looked more like a cross between Stitch and Oscar the Grouch.

Drop bears sort of look like this, but with longer ears (and not as green). Photo: www.fineonpine.com

Drop bears sort of look like this, but with longer ears (and not as green). Photo: http://www.fineonpine.com

I had given up on my quest to hunt a dropbear for a few days, trying to find my way back to O’Reilly’s carpark. As luck would have it, after dragging the bear a few exhausting kilometres, I found a path, and eventually a sign back.

“Ow,” it grumbled. “Ow. A rock. Ow.”

I checked to see if was awake, but it wasn’t. Finally, I emerged from the trees. Victorious!  A few campers heading to the trail I came from stared at what was snoring in the net.

“Um, what is in that net?” one middle aged hiker asked.

“Just a whole bunch of mind your business,” I said. Which was rude of me, I know. I got to the car and I shoved my prisoner into the back seat and buckled the seat belt around it.

“Where are we?” the drop bear mumbled but didn’t speak again until we were halfway down the mountain. “Damn, damn, this feels like a rollercoaster ride. Am I at Dreamworld again?” But I didn’t answer and then it stared screaming, yelling all sorts of swear words at me I do not wish to repeat.

Even a monkey wouldn’t have used the kind of words that drop bear did.

I was so tired I nearly had a micro-sleep, but fortunately the bellows of rage kept me awake. Finally the drop bear calmed down, and then it said calmly, “anything good playing on the radio?” and I said “I have Green Day on CD,” and it thought about my answer for a bit, and then said “their early stuff, or their new crap?” and I said their late stuff, and it said, “I can’t stand punk when I’m coming down from tranquiliser,” and that response just opened up a whole new round of conversation.

Categories: Australia, Humor | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Bitstrip picture of the Monkey King

Monkey king animation pic

Categories: Animation, Art | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Meet Gina: What the monkeys discovered

Who needs Facebook to stalk someone, when you’ve got monkeys at your beck and call?

I mentioned a few posts ago that I asked a group of monkeys to follow Gina, the local TV anchor, and report back to me on what they had learnt. It took them a while – but that’s because they did NOT cross any moral boundaries retrieving the information.

Gina: TV anchor; disinterested beauty. Help me.

Gina: TV anchor; disinterested beauty. Help me.

These are 10 things they learned about her:

1)      Gina has a boyfriend. His “English” name is Andrew. He is a banker and lives in Jakarta. He has a degree in finance and economy.

2)      Gina grew up in Surabaya, the second largest city in Indonesia.

3)      She is 5 ft 9 and weighs 128 Lbs (62 kilograms).  The monkeys discovered this without breaking any moral codes. All they did was put a video camera in her bathroom, aimed at the scales.

4)      Gina loves cycling. She often rides the roads around Ubud.

5)      She has always wanted to see the Sydney Harbour Bridge in Australia, travel across Europe, and stay in New York.

6)      Gina loves motorbikes, watches all forms of martial arts, and enjoys cricket.

7)      She first wanted to be a famous actress, after watching Tomb Raider, starring Angelina Jolie. She promised her family she would finish a degree before she broke into acting, and she chose Journalism so she could get experience in front of the camera.

8)      Gina was once attacked in a riot, while she was on air. She retaliated by king-hitting the man who shoved her. She would have lost her job, except she gained a lot of public support.

9)      Gina and Andrew have dated for two years. She knows he will likely propose soon. She doesn’t know if she will say yes. She knows Andrew  will expect children, and she wants to wait another ten years.

10)   Her favourite restaurant is Café Lotus. Gina normally gets the be-pasih goa lawah (fish marinated in turmeric, lemon grass and ginger, which is then steamed in a banana leaf). Gina generally eats alone.

Categories: List, Romance | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Coronation portrait

Categories: Animation, Art | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

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