TODAY was the day.
I wasn’t sure it was going to happen, the moment where I know moving to Peru was the right thing for me. Until today I had my doubts. I didn’t quite belong. I lost my self-esteem in a strange world away from my former position and possessions while somehow keeping the ego and pride.
Pride. So much pride.
“Pride: What I think you think about me. Self-esteem: what I think about myself. Personal relationships: the script I give others.” -Russell Brand, Recovery
I was on the bus to work this morning listening to my Ipod. Before spilling coffee on my shirt I listened to a song that’s been on my Itunes almost two years which I somehow overlooked. Goo Goo Dolls hasn’t interested me since I listened to Iris in City of Angels (Nick Cage as an angel who falls in love with a mortal.) and their 2016 Boxes album felt cheesy, artificial and empty in its commercialism filled with poignant titles such as Prayer in my Pocket. That’s how I had overlooked this song.
“For the first time I feel like someone
Breaking down the walls in my own mind
Keeping my faith for the bad times
Get up, get up, stand like a champion
Take it to the world………you can make it on a wish if you want to.”
-So Alive, by Goo Goo Dolls
And as I was listening to this song I had a moment. A moment of happiness looking out the bus and feeling the best part of myself. There was a glow within. I had the spark.
My translator at work has been teaching me basic Spanish. Today she helped me with the alphabet, which was the advice of blogger Collins, who commented on a recent post of mine.
“The basics as you of course know, and that is so boring, yet it’s so essential, is to practice the Spanish ABC/vowels and consonants each and every day as the sound/melody of a language is so crucial in learning and speaking it,” Collins said.
I never bothered learning the Spanish alphabet, which is rather deceptive in that I assumed it was the same as the English alphabet. “Thank goodness for that,” I thought. The problem is some letters are pronounced differently.
G seems to be more like the ‘he’ in hello. H seems to be silent at the start of a word. J is…what the heck is J? In my notes I’ve spelled my pronounciation as ‘Hawta’.
I suppose being in a reflective mood, and possibly still a little self-absorbed, I wondered something today. I’ll be here for at least a year. What do I need to learn in that time? What is it I need to take away from my time in Peru?’