An awkward letter to Mum


“Okay. I haven’t talked to Mum in a while. I should let her know how I’m going…..”

I messaged Mum on Facebook this morning. I wrote:


Dear Mum, 

Peruvian women are very beautiful and are really nice and caring too. 

And they know how to dance. 

My date last night brought me brownies that she made that day. 

There is a very good chance I will never return to Australia. 

All the best. Hope you are well. 

Happy Easter! Love, from your scoundrel of a son. 

Not the other sons. The oldest son. Burnzy! 

No, I am not drunk. I am just happy on life. 

Ciao, y Nos Vemos. 

Actually, disregard the Nos Vemos because it means ‘see you soon’ and I am never returning to Australia. 


Mum opened up the message at 3am in her time and she responded with this:


Ha ha. What was in those brownies?