Posts Tagged With: success

Monkey King’s Click Bait: 6 Habits of Success

I DON’T want to talk about prison. I don’t want to talk about unfair childhoods. I don’t want to talk about drop bears or even boxing monkeys in cage fights. Maybe next time.

This time it is success.

In my duties as a Monkey King I have associated with people I define as successful. And they seem to have these habits in common.

Also. It’s seven habits. The headline lied.

1) Binge video gaming.

Sure, it seems like I’m taking the piss, but there are people who know how to switch off and take a sickie to play the new Batman game.

If you haven’t humiliated your friends in a Mario Kart race, run across Skyrim as a werewolf or possessed a rat in Dishonored, then what are you doing with your life?

2) Being a Yes Man.

People who always agree with what their boss says and then bitch about the decisions later in a bar somewhere are always successful. A boss who has risen to a high position, hardened up, spent their time reading Linked-In articles about truly developing by accepting criticism, growth, guts and commitment always admires a minion.

3) Not even trying to remember names

Ah ha. Now I must be taking the piss. Not really. Why waste time remember names in the age of information when your colleagues all have digital signatures. After all, names belong to faces. Faces change. They age, change their eye color, and it’s hard to identify same faces in new clothing. Why try!

Save your mental energy for remembering the best Game of Thrones characters. May they rest in peace.

4) Travelling

Travel to work. Travel home from work.

Nah. That’s sad. People with successful jobs travel on airplanes on the company dollar and stay in motels for days at a time.

I had eight or nine beers at the races once and ended up driving the boss’s car to take some brewers to a pub. One of the guys told me he used to work for Bacardi. “It was an awesome job, it paid well,” he said. “But I quit because I was sick of travelling overseas. Rio is alright though.”

My point is this man was a success because he resented success. See what I’m saying? I think I might.

5) Having a hobby which everybody in your community knows about.

Bankers and accountants have cycling. The boss has Rotary. The police sergeant has fishing. The lawyer has professional drinking. The teacher has marking tests – because they seem to love doing that at home. The mine’s general manager has steer wrestling. Politicians have discreet nightclubs.

These people would normally be judged for the crappy or mean decisions at work. But because the community knows they have a hobby, they are considered real people.

What do you have? Netflix? Sure, that’s cool, but judgement from your work position is still going to weigh you down.

6) Getting distracted for something more interesting

I was planning on reading The Shining tonight. You’re reading this! See! I’m being productive. We can open this to debate.

7) Taking advice from websites, blogs, anybody really

If advice makes sense, sounds good, you like what you read and it already fits into your original pattern of behavior, then surely it’s going to change your life!

Categories: Humor | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

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